Is your mind on auto-pilot for negative thoughts?
I used to be the Queen of negative thinking. I could take any situation and turn it into something unpleasant. I was raised in an environment where I was expected to do things perfectly. The slogan in my family was, “If you are going to do something, do it right the first time!”. May parents were called in for a teacher-parent conference when I was 7 years-old because I started refusing to do any work unless I knew I could get an A. If you are someone that is self-critical, you know that perfectionism is a slippery slope down hill. I can remember being at one of my own birthday parties and being down in the dumps because others seemed to be having more fun than me.
Our thought patterns are like trenches in the sand that we build over time. The trench can get deeper and deeper and you can eventually get to a place where you end up there without even trying, or for a really silly reason like thinking you can’t have as much fun as others at your own birthday party. It’s kind of like being in a car and realizing all of a sudden that you are driving on auto-pilot and you’re now going the wrong way. When you are distracted or when you have a lot going on (most of us nowadays) your brain is going to use the default pathway or the pathway that has the deepest and most utilized connection in your brain.
So how did I change my way of thinking? I started out by just noticing my own thoughts or self-talk. I would ask myself, “Self, what messages are you sending as you move throughout your day?”. For instance, I might get up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and say, “WTH, how can I look this bad?” or “I am so fat. How can I not fit into those pants?”. I might be walking down the hall at work work, listening to my shoes click clack on the floor and think, “I’m so embarrassed. Why do I always have to wear noisy shoes?”. So I noticed that most of my thinking was negative.
After becoming more aware of my thoughts, I started to alter the messages just a bit so they were true and helpful. Instead of looking at myself in the mirror and thinking the worst, I might say to myself, “Give yourself 5 minutes and a cup of green tea and you’ll be looking so much better!”. I might say, “These pants not fitting is a nice reminder to exercise and eat a healthy meal today! Thanks world, I appreciate the reminder”. I started to make little efforts each day to steer my thoughts in a more positive way.
Ask yourself, is the message you are sending true and is it helpful? If you can’t believe it then come up with a thought you can believe. Finally ask yourself if the message is helpful to you? If not, back to the drawing board.
People ask me, “How do you do what you do?” They say, “I couldn’t sit with people all day long and listen to their stories, worries and woes. How do you not bring it home with you? I just don’t know how you do it?” For me it’s kind of like being an oceanic surfer. Surfing is all about balance, flexibility, finding your sweet spot and knowing the terrain.
By Kendra Davis Kendra Davis Psychotherapist Call Email WhatsApp Facebook LinkedIn Book a Session About Me Highly skilled psychotherapist with
